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IOU an apple pie (in the apple!)
Astound your arch-nemesis when they next visit for tea! Serve them these tasty apple pies adorned with a message of your choice. A great seasonal treat for all Sherlockians.
I was inspired by this amazing apple pie (in the apple) recipe (x), but I changed it around quite a bit (mostly because I am lazy and pastry making is tedious). Here is my take on the recipe:
-4 cooking apples (I used Lemonade, but Granny Smith would work too - they need to be quite tart though)
-1/3 cup demerara/brown sugar
-1 tbsp ground cinnamon; 1/4 tbsp ground cloves; 1/4 tbsp ground cardamom; pinch ground star annise (you can add ginger or nutmeg too for a spicier version, or just stick to the cinnamon if you’re a traditionalist)
-4 tsp butter (unsalted, at room temperature)
-Lemon juice (one lemon should be enough)
-1 sheet frozen flaky puff pastry (pref made with real butter)
-Milk (to brush the pastry)
1.Preheat oven to 190 C. Thaw out the puff pastry as per instructions.
2.Slice off the tops off the apples (if you’re not sure how, check out the original recipe which has a more comprehensive photo tutorial). Carve the apples with a sharp small knife and scoop out the pulp to form shells. Sprinkle the shells with some lemon juice to prevent browning.
3.Chop the pulp and the (peeled) tops of the apples together. In a small bowl, mix the chopped apple pulp, some lemon juice, the sugar and the spices.
4.Fill up the apple shells with the mixture (You will probably have some left over, which is fine - you can just eat it raw like I did, or make an extra tiny pie wrapped in the leftovers of the pastry. Your choice). Place a teaspoon of butter on top of each filled apple shell.
5.Cut out the pastry with a circular pastry cutter or a cup (you want to have a circle with a diameter about 1-2 cm larger than the opening of your apple shell). With a sharp knife cut out your desired decoration (aside from looking great, it’ll help the steam escape from your cooking pie).
6.Place the pastry lids on the apple shells. You can wet the edges with a bit of milk for the pastry to adhere to the apple. Brush the tops of the pastry lids with milk.
7.Bake at 190 C for about 30-35 minutes (depending on the size of the apple). Check that the pastry does not brown too much! The apple needs to be quite soft and yielding to the touch. Inside there should be evidence of spicy caramel.
Remove from the oven; wait 10-15 minutes to cool before serving to your arch-enemy. But you can have one as well, as long as nobody’s watching…
LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN DRINK, SO BEAUTIFUL.
IT’S CALLED ‘ITALIAN SODA’
BECAUSE ITALIANS KNOW HOW TO DO FUCKING EVERYTHING PERFECTLY. JESUS FUCK, LOOK AT THAT SHIT. PASTA AND PAINTINGS AND NOW THEY’VE MADE SODA INTO A FACE-SMASHING ART!
HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE SOMETHING THIS FLAWLESS?
WELL SAUNTER INTO THE KITCHEN, MY LOVELY LITTLE SHITS, BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO GET COOKING!
INGREDIENTS YOU NEED INCLUDE SOME WATER, SUGAR, HALF-AND-HALF CREAM AND CLUB SODA,THEN BLUEBERRIES OR STRAWBERRIES.
FIRST, YOU’LL MAKE SOME FUCKING FRUIT SYRUP. IF YOU FEEL LIKE CLIMBING MOUNT EVEREST IN YOUR UNDERWEAR, BLUEBERRIES IS PROBABLY BEST FOR YOU, AND YOU’LL NEED 3 CUPS OF THOSE BEAUTIFUL DARLINGS.
IF YOU WANT TO WRESTLE SOME GREAT WHITE SHARKS WITH A DEER HAUNCH STRAPPED TO YOUR ASS, THEN STRAWBERRIES SOUNDS LIKE THE BETTER FLAVOR FOR YOUR FLAWLESS MOUTH. YOU’LL NEED 4 CUPS OF CHOPPED STRAWBERRIES.
PICK YOUR FRUIT AND STICK WITH IT!
SHOVE 2 CUPS OF WATER INTO A POT, WITH 2 CUPS OF SUGAR! KEEP THAT SHIT ON ‘HIGH’ TEMPERATURE AND STIR UNTIL IT JUST LOOKS LIKE THICK WATER.
PREPARE YOUR BODY, BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS MAGNIFICENT.
JUMP OUT OF AN AIRPLANE AND TOSS THE 4 CUPS OF STRAWBERRIES OUT OF THE ATMOSPHERE AND INTO YOUR POT.
ALTERNATELY, IF YOU’RE FEELING LIKE A LAZY SHIT, YOU CAN SCOOP THE FRUIT UP WITH YOUR HANDS AND DUMP THEM INTO THE POT LIKE A FUCKING WUSS.
LET IT BOIL FOR 10 MINUTES, WHILE YOU’RE WAITING, YOU CAN GO SWALLOW A FUCKING TIME VORTEX TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE, BUT GET BACK IN TIME TO TAKE THAT SHIT OFF THE HEAT.
PUT A BOWL UNDER YOUR STRAINER BEFORE YOU SHOVE YOUR MIXTURE INTO IT, BECAUSE YOU’RE SAVING THE SYRUP, AND THE FRUIT ALREADY DID ITS JOB.
SHOVE THIS DELICIOUS SYRUP SHIT INTO A CUP SO IT’LL BE EASIER TO HANDLE. I MAKE DOUBLE BATCHES AND KEEP THE EXTRA STUFF IN A BOTTLE MADE FROM CRYSTALLIZED TIME LORD TEARS AND CHILDREN’S LAUGHTER.
SHOVE YOUR SYRUP IN THE FREEZER FOR AN HOUR, BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO COOL THE FUCK DOWN!
NOW GET OUT YOUR JESUS FUCK THIS IS SO FANCY TYPE OF GLASSES, HELL, MAYBE YOU FEEL LIKE USING YOUR ANCIENT CRYSTAL CHAMPAGNE FLUTES, WHAT THE FUCK EVER. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK
FILL THOSE BEAUTIFUL BASTARDS WITH ICE.
FILL ¼ OF THE CUP WITH YOUR SYRUP.
THEN GET IT UP TO THE ¾ POINT WITH CLUB SODA.
AND TOP IT OFF WITH SOME HALF-AND-HALF.
BEAUTIFUL BOUNCING TITTIES THAT LOOKS WONDERFUL.
STIR THAT SHIT UP AND ENJOY YOUR FUCKING ITALIAN SODA!
Wait this is actually so helpful
where was this when i was making my lembas bread
YES THANK YOU
Grab a tea infuser from this list at atmost20.com/TeaInfusers
I love these
I want all of them.
i will start drinking tea if someone gets me one of these tbh
MANATEA INFUSER OMG
I WANT ALL OF THEM
Duck looks like it’s got a serious poop coming out, that or a hemorrhoid.
Oh well, at least it’s not a duck cork screw.
Why say this
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