My name is Dogslug and I am ze host of ze show, Cooking With Dogslug. Aaaand that photo is not mine, I totally stole it from Martha Stewart. I don’t think she cares too much.
So! As you may have guessed, I’m gonna tell you how to boil up a bitchin’ chicken. You can use that bitch in so many things: chicken and dumplings, chicken soup, chicken and dressing, just about any damned thing that you need chunks of delicious tender chicken and/or chicken broth in. I’m making chicken tonight and it’s going in chicken and dumplings but you can use your chicken for whatever you want.
Yeah, even that. I won’t judge (I totally will.)
Now, on to the actual cooking part of this damned blog. CHICKEN. Things you will need to make your house smell amazing:
bigass pot, stock pot is best
3lb-5lb whole chicken, thawed or fresh. You could use a cut up chicken, too, but whole is for true gangstas, and you don’t wanna be a bitch do you?
4-5 stalks of celery
4-6 cloves of garlic
bay leaves, bitches. Aaaaa smells so good… (fresh or dried. I only have dried on hand but fresh is so good)
1 medium-sized lemon
2 medium-sized onions
thyme (fresh or dried. I only have dried on hand but fresh is so good)
pepper. Pepper, pepper, sweet mother of god black pepper.
First up, if you use a whole chicken you wanna make sure you fist that bird lovingly and take out all its guts. We don’t want no chicken guts. Save ‘em if you like to use them for gizzard gravy or whatever, or toss them to your pets. Our cats always enjoyed gnawing on the guts. Blech. Also, if you use a frozen chicken THAW THAT BITCH THOROUGHLY BEFOREHAND.
Toss that chicken in the pot now. DO IT.
Take all your veggies. You’re gonna chop ‘em up, but you don’t have to be too neat because they’re just there to flavor the chicken. Quarter the onions and toss ‘em in the pot. Chop up the carrots and celery, toss ‘em in, too. Make sure your garlic is peeled and toss that shit in (4 cloves minimum but I love garlic so I usually go with 6 or 7). Throw in at least 3 or 4 bay leaves, and either a sprig of fresh thyme or a generous sprinkling of dried thyme. Hose that shit down with black pepper, as much as you want. Maybe don’t go -too- crazy with it, though. Don’t forget your lemon! Chop it in half and toss it in the pot, too.
Now that everything is in your pot, pour in enough water to cover the chicken.
Put it on the stove at medium heat until the water boils, then lower to medium-low and simmer for about two hours until the chicken is done. Try not to drool too much over the delicious smells that will fill your house.
Okay so chicken is done now! Take it off the heat and let cool completely while still in the broth. SAVE THE BROTH. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SAVE THE BROTH. Carefully take out the chicken and strain the solid bits from the broth and saaaaave it. Home made chicken broth is SO GOOD.
As for the chicken? This is the fun part. It’s gonna be so tender it’s falling apart. This is good, because now it’s time to get your hands greasy and juicy and remove all the meat from the bones. Toss said bones once you’re done, and shred the chicken into whatever size you need it for whatever recipe you’re using it for.
Go ahead and eat some of the chicken right then and there. You know you want to, and you won’t regret it.
Later on I’ll post a couple of recipes that I use this chicken in, but for now I must continue cooking this awesome chicken. SO GOOD.
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